just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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