Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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