Non-Jews are for practice
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
