talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
