Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
