do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
pray to the hookup gods
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
