Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
