Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Randomize
