Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
