i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
