I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
