Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
