your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
