I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
