Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
