bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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