Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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