I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
