I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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