I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
