Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
