Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
