A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
