Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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