You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
