Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
