Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
