Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
