The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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