my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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