her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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