I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
