I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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