Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
