you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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