i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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