But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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