Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
