Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
