end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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