tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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