We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
