told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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