I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
