yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
