i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
