god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
