Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
