Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
third nipple confirmed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
