If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
