I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
