Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
