is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
