We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
