i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
