upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
